Why do you do good deeds?

Guys, I don't really like the idea of "doing good deeds so that someday other people will do good to you" Do something good because you really want to, because that's the best way to live, not because you hope for the same good thing will bounce back to you later. If you are religious, do good because you hope for your God's blessing. He might reward you in this life, and He might not.

And sometimes we fall into the trap of arrogance without even realizing it. When something good happens to us we'd think "this is happening because I've been a good person". That thought can bring hazard to our faith, to it goes deep down to our conscience, the roots of our imaan.

We all know our God is The Most Loving. He'll take care of His Creature no matter what. Because HE.IS.THAT.GOOD. That's why you see so many disbelievers thrive in life while many of believer counterparts suffer. Do you remember Firaun the pharaoh? He killed so many babies, remember? Yet he was a very wealthy man,wasn't he? How come did God give him all that pleasure then? And also, if you do something good for the sake of hoping to turn your life better, you'll only get what you asked for. All of our deeds are defined by our intention. When you feed someone hoping that later someone will feed you back, guess what, a good deed that potentially has so much more reward than merely a worldly ease would go to waste. As we all believe (or at least try to), our life in this world is temporary and way too insignificant when compared to the afterlife.

Whenever you want to do something please remember to set your intention straight. The first hadith from Hadith Arba'in declared it pretty clearly: Deeds are by intentions إنما الأعمال بالنيات
Umar ibn al-Khattab reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

إِنَّمَا الْأَعْمَالُ بِالنِّيَّاتِ وَإِنَّمَا لِكُلِّ امْرِئٍ مَا نَوَى فَمَنْ كَانَتْ هِجْرَتُهُ إِلَى اللَّهِ وَرَسُولِهِ فَهِجْرَتُهُ إِلَى اللَّهِ وَرَسُولِهِ وَمَنْ كَانَتْ هِجْرَتُهُ لِدُنْيَا يُصِيبُهَا أَوِ امْرَأَةٍ يَنْكِحُهَا فَهِجْرَتُهُ إِلَى مَا هَاجَرَ إِلَيْهِ
Verily, deeds are only with intentions. Verily, every person will have only what they intended. Whoever emigrated to Allah and his messenger, his emigration is for Allah and his messenger. Whoever emigrated to get something in the world or to marry a woman, his emigration is for that to which he emigrated.
(Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 54)

So with the right intention in mind you will hopefully get to learn to love people unconditionally. Even when you're being nice to people whereas they don't seem to return your favor, you wouldn't be so salty anymore.

Because you don't expect anything in return. You will not get as disappointed when the world isn't rotating around you. Cause spoiler alert, it isn't. It will never be. By doing that you give yourself a huge power to get through any difficulty: to allow yourself no longer be dragged down by the behaviour of people around you. Everything that happens in the universe starts to taste sweet. The times when dark clouds devour you and it seems the skies will never clear when the sun beams, while the rain falls, it can bring a bittersweet rainbow.

I like to think of it this way: I see myself as a lover to God. Have you ever been in love? Now tell me, what would you do if you love someone? You'll try to get their attention and to get to know them right? You'll figure out what they like and don't like, and do everything to make them happy. Even if previously you don't really pay attention for something, you'll do it still, just because you wouldn't mind it. Imagine this: you have a fit girlfriend that loves to go to the gym. You are actually not a fan of the gym but you'll try to go there with her, because you know, you hope that your girlfriend is happy that you take her passion as a consideration eventhough you don't intend to gain muscle or somewhat. It will make her appreciate you more. Whether you end up so fit or not is not a part of the equation. Cause she will appreciate your sincere effort to love what she does. And God is that kind of perfect dream-lover we all wish for. He is الشَّكُورُ, The Most Appreciative. The One Who gives abundantly in return for what was little. He is the One Who is the Most Appreciative because He appreciates even the smallest of deeds, all the time. And His appreciation is unlimited.


On the contrary, there's no way we can struggle for the sake of Him the way He deserves it. Heck, we couldn't even count our blessings from Him, let alone struggling. How could we think that our good deeds are what makes our life easier? Do we really think whatever we did before is good enough that what makes God return the favor? Honey, it probably wasn't.

Let's be real, we will never be a perfect lover. In fact, we could never even imagine the lengths we have to go through to even out God's blessing. That must not trap you in despair though, just remember that He is also الْوَدُودُ, The Most Loving. The One Who is the source of all love and affection. His Love is intense, constant and ever lasting. Al-Wadood is the One Who is deserving of all love and affection! Al-Wadood loves the believers more than anything we can think of.

He is العَفُوُّ, The Pardoner. The One who eliminates sins and faults. He is the One who not only forgives sins, but can completely blot out and make any mistake, error or sin disappear whenever He wishes.

He is الرَّؤُوفُ, The Most Kind. The One who bestows utmost tender mercy on the creation. He is the One whose compassion, affection, kindness and tenderness are beyond understanding.
Do not be sad and despair, because he never expects us to be perfect. He never said that.
We only need to try our best.

But you know, there's always that feeling that lingers in ourself saying that we could've done it better. It could always have been better. But that's not the point.
The point is to try our best.

Don't hesitate to aim high and strive for excellence. As Norman Vincent Pale once said:

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it, you'll land among the stars."

Okay this quote may not be super accurate because theoretically the moon is so much closer to earth than any stars, but I'll spare that for astronomy lesson.

Here is a quote from a Rainer Maria Rilke's poem titled The Man Watching:

When we win it's with small things,
And the triumph itself makes us feel small
Winning does not temp that man,
This is how he grows, being defeated, decisively,
By constantly greater beings

Thank you for being alive

I saw somebody died last week. He died because of cancer.

His final moment wasn't like what you see in movies, where everybody is gathering around the dying person and they are holding him while the person said his last words and then slowly exhale the last breath. 

It was that afternoon where I sat with his wife and talking about how she probably couldn't handle seeing her husband go away. 5 minutes later, he is already gone without someone even noticing. We tried in disbelief to find his pulse, I thought: I'm so bad at sensing pulse and heartbeat, right? Sometimes it's just hard to find any, isn't it? There's no way it would be this soon! My other friends rushed out to searching for the doctor, the wife screamed in pain calling her husband's name over and over again, hoping he still could hear us. The nurse came in to check, but it turned out there was no longer life in him. 

I could still recall this exact moment in my head until today. It always got me goosebumps just thinking about it. I still got the same chills in my bone.

On the next day I was in the mortgage, seeing the dead body being prepared for the funeral. I was there when the corpse has been cleaned and wrapped up with kafan, on the last moment when the family could see his face for the last time. I still recall how shaken the daughter was, when she cried over my shoulder. Everyone in the room shed tears, including me. Eventhough I am not the one who cry when people are around, I cried that noon. It's so painful to see their hearts breaking. 

What happened lately got me really wondering, what is it to live as if you might not be around the next day.

So often we just sit there and take for granted that we're gonna see people over and over again.

We don't really think about the fact that the day that we've been given is a blessing. We are so busy tackling our daily routines that we don't pause for a moment and say to the people we hold so dearly about how much their existence means to us. 

We often don't say that because it seems too much and too serious. It seems overly emotional. And yet really thinking about things and looking at the real perspective of life, 

the truth is

we really don't know that we have tomorrow.

So,

to the person reading this right now,

thank you for being my friends

I might haven't said it before, and you might not realize it,

but please know this:

I appreciate you. 

I'm so grateful of you in my life. 

You're such a blessing to me and anyone else around you

and regardless to anything, I'm so lucky to have known you. 

So no matter where you are,

whether it's a quarter mile away 

or halfway across the world, 

I'm glad you are there. 

Count Your Blessings

I actually should be studying for the exam right now. But my body refuses so I think I should write some thoughts that have been lingering on my mind these 2 days during my resting time.

~~~

"Haben Sie nie krank gefühlt?"

"Nein,gar nicht."

It's amazing how life can flip 180 degrees in one night. You felt great the night before, planning on your next day hoping you can be as productive as what you did today but plan is plan. We have no control on what happens next.

It does feel hard. It makes you want to go back and cry on your parents shoulder. But no, you have to learn. Problem isn't meant to make you hurt, to make you stronger that is.

When it seems like everything is against your will, think again. You've got one problem that suffers you a lot, fails you at any aspirations you had, but try to count your blessing. You still can breath normally, you still have food to eat, roof above your head, warm blanket to cuddle in. You got a loving family who prays for you all the time, friends who wish you a soon recovery. You aren't situated at the war places where you have to be afraid to be bombed every second of your life. You still can enjoy peace, being able to walk, to write, to read, to see.

The list still goes on.

Now that I think about it, I just realized how meaningful my name is.

Shakira is an Arabic female given name meaning "thankful". It is the feminine active participle of the verb شَكَرَ, "to be thankful".-Wikipedia

Maybe this is why my parents gave me this name. So that I remember to be thankful for everything that I have. To appreciate life, eventhough sometimes it sucks. Oh no, actually life doesn't suck. Its just a tiny tiny portion of it that sucks and human tends to make a big fuss about it.

If life seemingly becomes so hard, count your blessings. Be grateful. You feel crap because you just haven't been thanking enough.

"...Allah does not intend to make difficulty for you, but He intends to purify you and complete His favor upon you that you may be grateful."

[QS. Al-Maidah : 6]

Long Distance Friendship

Do you know that moment when you meet your old friend who you've been not seeing for along time? I am always having that anxiety questioning myself: 

Are they still the same person the last time I saw them? Do they still like me? 

I am afraid that everything has changed and they are not people I used to know.

October 2016

In October this year, I went home for holiday. I hadn't been home for more than 2 years, so again I was facing this anxiety, worrying if my friends in Indonesia have become people I can't really relate to anymore.

Luckily they didn't. As I saw them slowly approaching me laughing, I know they didn't. They are still giving me the same warm hug I'm missing. Those inhuman voices they make when chatting, how can I forget that.

Several years have passed but we continue talking about the same topics, laughing at the same jokes. 

It is funny to see my high school friends, who I used to met constantly everyday at the same place, now in different places. We are not doing the same thing anymore, we don't go to the same places, we don't read the same books. They are spread everywhere across the globe doing their own thing but they are still my loving friends I dearly cherish.

December 2016 

It is okay to have a bad day

July 7th

I have never been any lazier in my life than 2 weeks ago.

It might be caused by the fact that I had to celebrate Eid in Germany again and everything wasn't really running well.

But then someday I woke up and decided to take a walk around the town all by myself. And it turned out be a really good idea.

I had a lot of thoughts running in my mind while I was walking, and I'd like to share it to you guys

1. Sometimes you only need to take a breath, avoid the crowd and contemplating all about life. 

These few months were filled with lots of activities that made me often having a hard time to sort out my messy life. I was so busy studying, working and socializing that I've come to the stage realizing I'm already fucked up with life. I really was.

An Untold Love Story

I am not a romantic lovey dovey person, hence why I actually object to tell other people about my private life. Nevertheless,this time I feel like it's okay to share you guys some pieces, concerning that I have no longer deep feeling about it, as I already moved on and grown up ever since. This story is nowhere near a marvelous cinderella story, but it taught me something about my journey. It's a piece of mozaic in my life which shows me how much I develop, how far I've gone. I hope it will inspire someone who read it.

Well, if you ask me who my first love is, I'll state: I haven't been in love yet! Yes I admit that I was attracted to boys couple times, but I never took it seriously. It was all just a young girl's ignorance, willing to find love. But then I had a chapter in my book that means a lot to me.

Survival Guide for Studying Abroad

I know, I haven't even started with my study. But I attended Studienkolleg for 2 semesters so I gathered some points for you based on my personal experience at Studienkolleg.

For your information, you who don't know how the German educational system works, here is some explanations:

The Studienkolleg is a public educational institution in Germany, Austria and Switzerland for students whose graduation certificate is not recognized as equivalent to the Abitur (high school level). It is a preparatory course for academic study at university.

Any foreigner who wants to study at german university has to study in Studienkolleg first. Here we are learning some stuffs like the other germans students when they are in high school. The purpose of this studienkolleg is to evaluate our school achievement at our own country, if it's good enough to study here. After 2 semesters of study we will face the Feststellungsprüfung (FSP), which is at the same level of the final examination of german high school students (Abitur). Basically when we passed the exam, then we can start to study here.

For me my time in studienkolleg is so precious. I had a lot of fun and I met a lot of new friends from other country. There we get to know so many culture with its own unique characters. The best part is: it feels like we go back to high school!

These are some tips and tricks to survive and also live your college life in abroad to the fullest.

Do not limit your friendship range based on nationality

How To Quit A Habit

Lately I've been successfully quiting some bad habits of mine and I'm really glad I did. What habit?

Well, if you ask my high school or studienkolleg friends, they would probably tell you that I'm a hardcire fan of Kpop. Let me tell you this, it was an addiction that I even wonder if I need a miracle to stop the addiction. But no! I don't think I received any miracle for this case.

So how to do it?

Tell your friends, or even announce it

It may sound cliche but you do need friends to support you quiting your bad habit. Let them know your intention, believe me, they will be a great help for you when you're at your lowest point, when you nearly give up. It will be also a self reminder for you. After declaring your plan to so many people, your self esteem will force you to stick to the plan.

Toss those stuffs away

When your habit is about a certain thing that you can't get rid of, you have to force yourself to throw it all away. Remember, nothing remains! We as humans can actually adapt so well with our circumstances. So if you're forced to live without it, you'll adapt no matter what!

In my case I deleted all Kpop songs on my phone and laptop. Songs, videos, pictures,movies and even my youtube and facebook subscriptions. If you want to quit smoking, throw all your cigarettes in the trash bin and don't leave a single cent for buying a new one. If you are a shopaholic, break your credit card into pieces! It will be so frustrating at first, but you need to be strong and carry on. Your friends will make sure you're not looking back.

Find a replacement

Quiting one habit means you have an empty slot in your life. Somehow you have to find something to fill that hole, to prevent the old thing from coming back. The substitution doesn't have to be your new habit. You need it just until you're fully adapted living without your old habit. Don't worry, it won't be hard to break a temporal habit. A habit you get in a short time doesn't take long to break it.

When I quit my job as a kpop fan I felt a little empty without watching dramas or listening to kpop songs. Then I decided to try watching american tv series, and I have to say, living without kpop is not that bad! Sometimes we have to go outside and have a taste of the grass on the other side.

You want to stop drinking coffee?  Then find something else to drink -something healthier of course- for instance try to drink tea instead. Watch out the amount you're going to take, less is better, to prevent another habit coming into existence.

No compromising

You have to be harsh to yourself to quit a habit perfectly. There's no giving up. It may feel extremely hard and takes ages to completely break your habit, but you need time. In the course of time your brain will slowly forget the certain path you had been walking on. Patience, that's the big thing.

A bit babbling before Ramadhan 2015

Photo from Pinterest and greenstar16.tumblr.com 

Disclaimer:
I have no intention to lecture someone about religion or stuffs. I'm aware that I'm short of knowledge. I'm writing this post because I feel the need to speak out my plan to the world so that will be my reminder if I'm going back to the old me. I found out that it really works to tell someone about what you're planning to do. A real example: I told my mom about my resolutions "how to stay educated without school" and I did it for a week and then I forgot it at all HAHA. And then a couple weeks ago my mom posted a status at facebook saying "does my daughter even remember her how-to-stay-educated-without-school- program?". After that I feel really ashamed of me and now I'm really doing it!

Anyway, it's 5 days left until Ramadhan and I'm looking forward to it because it will be my first time spending the whole month (and Idul Fitri as well) in Germany! WHOA!

Last year I flied back home to be with my dear family, so I don't really know how it feels like.

Sadly I have to say, I had no improvement at all since last Ramadhan. What a shame, right? I'm believing that Ramadhan gives us a great chance to upgrade our faith to the next level. But I've failed for 18 years in my life. Now I really want to make a promise with myself that I HAVE TO progress my own life in term of my devotion to God. He gives soooo many great things that I even wonder, what have I done to deserve it? Allah is so merciful.

All the time I was thinking, "you've done a great job Nada, your life is so perfect and you are doing nothing wrong". But no! Even when you think your life is as easy as a newly born baby, it doesn't mean you are not lacking something. It doesn't mean praying 5 times a day is enough.

Let's do some math.
I believe that we should have a balance for life. We have to spare 50% of our time to think about our afterlife. Remember: it has to be 50:50 to be balanced, isn't it?

We've been always busy with our job, school, college, or anything else. We have 24 hours a day.

We are trying so hard to get a good score in math exam so we might spend up to 10 hours studying, 6 hours sleeping, 3 hours for entertainment, and the rest 5 hours are for eating, talking with friends/boyfriend/girlfriend/anyone,and for praying. As if it's not shameful enough, it doesn't even take 10 minutes for each prayer! What a greedy human!

Some people will probably think, so you're saying we have to pray 12 hours a day to be fair to God?

Well,of course NOT.

The first point is, God already has literally everything so whether we pray or not, he "doesn't really care". Doing prayer, following His instructions,it's all for our own good. 

Just imagine this world as a computer. God is the one who designed it and we humans are the laptop user. God gave us books that leads us how to use the computer. When we don't follow the instructions well, our computer is technically getting broken day by day. Your computer is ruined not because The Designer hate you! It's just how the computer works!

My second point is, I'm not saying praying 12 hours a day is necessary. Actually, Allah, The Designer of everything, has arranged it perfectly that every single breath we take can also do US a favor. It means, we could do something both for our life on earth and afterlife. How cool it is! As long as we always set up our mind to Allah, everything's gonna be alright. 

Somehow it sounds so simple yet easy. 

Now perhaps some voice will raise again and say something like : It's really easy! I always think God all the time! Well, ladies and gentlemen....can I ask you, are you 100% sure?

Are you sure you're studying biology for God's sake, not for being a doctor and having big income?

Are you sure you choose to eat some lasagna because God will love it,not because the restaurant looks fancy and you haven't tried it yet?

Are you sure you bought a fancy watch for 500$ because the money worth it, while you're thinking million times to donate for an orphan girl?

Or...

are you sure you're praying wholeheartedly every single day only because you're following God's instruction, not because you want to get accepted in an university?

Now if you're going to scold me, please hold your horses, 

I'm that kind of person too!

Yes, humans make mistakes. It's okay if you're making mistakes, because who aren't? But the problem is: we keep doing the same mistakes all the time, aware that it is a mistake,do nothing to fix it and blame our state being human (who never be perfect and always make mistakes). Dammit, sometimes we don't think logically at all. 

Finding out that I'm such a low quality human (especially for aspect of piety), I have to progress. I may progress my study quickly, but in case of faith.... I have to try to change. I don't want to let this Ramadhan go away without any refinement. A quick reminder for myself: Hijrah does need PROCESS, but it needs PROGRESS too.
Just few simple questions to recheck my mind:

what am I doing?

for whom am I doing it? 

why am I doing it?

is it necessary to do it?

is it worth my precious time?

is it helping me to prepare a sudden death?

Guys, I'm literally getting goosebumps just writing it >.<

so here is my to do list!
1. Pray on time
2. Read Qur'an regularly (it doesn't have to be much,but regularly,every day)

3. Always say Bismillah for every activity I do
4. Don't waste too much time only for entertainment
5. Memorize an ayah a day, just 1!

Photo from fingularity.tumblr.com

So...

I've realized it now, how much I envy other people...

I envy :

those people who never care about their appearance

those girls who feel satisfied enough having only 2 pairs of shoes

those teenagers who can prefer reading Qur'an instead of instagram feed

those volks who can't tell the name of celebrities but they can tell you thousand stories about Prophet Muhammad PBUH and his Sahabas

those people who never rush their prayer

those people who don't feel the burden to wake up at night to pray

those people who feel guilty instantly for a lightest sin

those people who can help other people easily, eventhough they're needing the same help,

Yeah, I envy them. So freaking much.

Belated international siblings day

Most of my girlfriends are jealous of me because I have a big brother. Because they say, our big bro will protect us, blablabla. Well, I can say I'm happy about it, but not really. I mean, there's a huge age gap between us. I was born in 1996 and he was born in 1989, so the 7 years of difference did affect our not-so-close relationship. We were not that close to share stories about our lovers or even friends, because it was just soooo weird. He's much older than me, and he is a guy, so I bet he won't understand the way I was thinking. We fought surely a lot, especially in those days where I always ask him to buy me food and when we always tried to hide our own snacks and never had intention to share it. Also when he finally got a girlfriend, I was literally mad at him because all he cares is his one and only girlfriend. I think that he deserves to be hated because he cares about his girlfriend much more than he does for the family. But you know, like any other little sisters around the world, I'm always proud of my brother. I always see him as a great boy, a great man, and I'll always will. Because like everyone does, I admire my brother.

What do I admire of him?

Here's the list

The reason why I admire my big brother

1. His music taste is soooo great! He is the one who introduced me to rock music. When I was around 8 (and he was 16), I listened to his CDs every freaking single day. Sometimes I got annoyed because it was always loud in the house, but after he left the house going to the college, I felt extremely lost that loudness. The silence was just so odd, and in few months I feel so lonely along the absence of my brother.
2. He is the only reason why I was allowed to attend elementary school although I was too young and I couldn't even read (which is the obligation for an etrance to an elementary school). Thank my bro, he got the highest score when he graduated from that school in our region so the school staff really thought that I must be as smart as he is and I can bring more profit for the school.
3. Everytime I'm going to buy something technical, he is the one I'm asking sugestions to. I always buy anything he recommends without any doubt.
4. He taught me to google, which has really changed my life.
5. He is really tall, and he looks like one of my favorite anime character (sakura's bigbro in “Cardcaptor Sakura”). Well, maybe I'm too biased and overdoing it because he's my brother, but at least my mother agrees at that point and that's all that matters.
6. He used to help me with homework, especially physics and drawing. He is really good at it!
7. He piggybacked me when I was awfully sick, and I was obviously surprised because I thought a jerk like him won't ever offer to help piggybacking me whatsoever.
8. One more surprise for me, that he tells his friends about me, like “my sister has won a national competition blablabla”. I dunno, I'm finding it so sweet of him!
9. As I lived far away from home, we become closer at heart. Before the plane took off, he said me to be good, don't do inapproriate things, and so on. It was just boring and trivial, but the fact that HE did it, really made me amazed. Because he never seemed to care about me, and he used to be so cold hearted. Those cliché things he said showed me the bit warmness of his heart.
10. Once I had a terrible problem with trust, and he had a really nice statement that makes me realize, although he seems so ruthless in his whole life, he never lose faith and always trust everyone he loves.
11. The final reason why I admire him is......because he is my big brother!

PS : Do we look alike?

Open your eyes

I used to be that girl, who has a weird music taste. No maybe it's not weird, it's just because my music taste varies so much. When I was 9-12 years old, I listened to My Chemical Romance, Greenday, Linkin Park, etc (my bro's fault!). And my dad never got bored listened to Queen at the car . And then when I went to junior high school, my bro moved out to other city because he went to college, and my music preference has been widening since then. I listened to gothic metal,screamo,hardcore,deathcore,metalcore, whatever it's called XD I love it so much that I learnt to scream too. I love those musics soooo much, to the stance that my mom asked me to stop it and listen to 'softer' music instead. And I did it. Then I met my best friends at school, I started to listen to Kpop A LOT. But now I come to the state that I'm getting bored of it. And everytime I have no choice to listen to, I always have that loud music and I always enjoy it no matter how long has it been. Maybe because I discovered the music by myself and I was not influenced by other people listening to it? I dont know. You don't have to have a reason loving something/someone,right? It just happened.

Ok so let's get this straight. I'm actually not going to talk about my choice of music here.

I've been madly in love with several bands like Alesana, Asking Alexandria, Bring Me The Horizon for years, since I was 14. but I just listened to the songs, I never cared about members of the bands. Now that I'm getting older and my curiosity's getting worse, I browsed about the members of Bring Me The Horizon. And I'm literally inspired by their frontman, Oliver Sykes.

Here is some pictures of him, so that you can absorp it better what I really want to deliver.

What a badass,isn't he? He looks like a member of satanic band (like everyone else said) But no! You just saw a picture of him from an angle.

Let me give you another pic.

What do you think now? I believe, a person who possesed by a satan (LOL) can't smile purely like that :)

and then, there is this photo of him when he was young.

He happened to get bullied severely at school because of his music taste and the way he looked.

Now that we've digged about Oli Sykes only with few pics, the way we see him is changed instantly, right? Or is it just me? 0.0

well I have more facts about Oliver Sykes for you.

1. He is vegan because he doesn't want animals get hurt. And I have to say, only people with really kind hearts can feel it that way, rite?
2. He once addicted to drugs, but then he stopped consuming it and went to rehab and now finally he succeded to get rid of it. He admit it in front of many people as the band won APMA Award for the Best British Album of the Year. At that time he could actually hide it forever, what important is, he's already recovered. But he said, as he received such a great award, he felt like he has to confess to everybody for what he's been through,because he was so thankful of his new life. If you're interested, check out this link: Oliver Sykes at APMA
3. When I watched videos of BMTH performance, I summed up that he really loves to be on stage, singing (or screaming to be precise) his feelings out, and he often smiles really bright because the crowd was singing along. Watch this video at 2:57 and see his expression >> BMTH Shadow moses live . How sweet! He is just like everyone else! Maybe sometimes he looks like a douchebag, but I think it's really unfair to judge someone by their appearance. He does have a body full covered by tattoos, but he has a kind heart too, who wants to be respected for his existence.
4. Of course, he has negative sides too, but hey, who doesn't? And it doesn't really matter when someone says something like “but there are far more bad things he's done than the good ones!” Well, don't ever do the math. Why do we have to count each of their good doings and bad doings and then comparing it? Once someone does something for good, than it's good and we have to admit that. Doing such a meaningless thing like that really makes you deserve to be officially called out as a jerk.
5. He is atheist. He believes that we should believe in ourselves and do whatever we want, building up our life to become what we want it to be. He also said that you don't have to be in any religion for doing something good. Well I'm not going to argue that, although I disagree at some parts of the way he's thinking. But it's fine, it's his rights to become atheist. It's totally not my business.
6. He really loves his family. Maybe he loves his family even much more than any cute looking girls out there who likes to call their parents with bad words because the didnt get the newest iphone for birthday.

Sooo, what I've been trying to say through this post is, every single person in this world always have good side, they're humans no matter what, and humans have feeling. Eventhough someone has many tattoos, it doesn't mean that they're not worth to be respected, to be loved. No matter what kind of music he likes, how much he's addicted to drugs, don't hate. Spreading hatred just gives no good at all, and it would be really wonderful when people start to respect each other for what they chose. Spread love instead and always see everyone's positive side!

Bonus:

sorry Oli :D

16 Januari 2015

What a great day!

Hari ini tuh ASIK banget guyss. Pagi-pagi jam 9 aku udah keluar (tumben banget,mengingat aku udah lulus studkol n lagi ga ada kegiatan). Ngapain nad?

Jadi gini, kemarin sore aku pergi ke ATM Commerzbank,mau ambil duit dari ATM Mandiriku. Naah, awalnya aku udah coba di ATM Spardabank, tapi ga bisa -_-

Trus aku ke ATM Commerz,dan... kartuku ketelan. Raawwwrrrrrr.

Mencoba untuk tenang malamnya, aku pikir semua akan baik-baik saja. Besoknya kan aku tinggal ke Banknya,trus minta petugasnya untuk bukain automatnya. I got my card back, alles klar, alles schick.

Tapi ternyata semua BELUM baik-baik saja.

Besoknya (hari ini) aku datang pagi-pagi ke bank,daaannn... kata petugasnya mereka ga punya hak untuk buka mesin ATMnya. What the hell man? Aku ga habis pikir deh. Itu kan jelas-jelas ditempatin di banknya, dan katanya itu mesinnya bukan punya bank mereka, tapi punya firma lain. Trus aku tanya lagi, firma yang mane mbak? Trus dia bilang, das ist egal, kamu mau datang ke firmanya minta bukain itu mesin juga paling kartumu udah dibuang! Asjhdkjgalivgaztfuze!

Sambil mencoba untuk jaga ekspresi muka seramah mungkin, aku bilang makasih dan keluar dari bank itu. Apa-apaan iniiiiii T_______T

sampe diluar bank, aku ga tahan. Air mata langsung keluar tanpa permisi. Padahal itu di Marktplatz, yang rame banget. Aku udah berasa main drama aja.

Aku isi rekening deutsche bank ku gimana ini? Kan aku harus perpanjang visaaaaa ><

Setelah beberapa menit duduk nangis di marktplatz dan ngabarin papa kalo ATMnya udah ga ada harapan lagi (maafkan aku papa T.T), aku memantapkan tekadku kembali untuk melaksanakan agenda No. 2 ku hari ini : Daftar ASQ untuk jadi Gaststudent. Daaaannnn...ternyata tantangan hari ini bukan cuma masalah kartu-ketelan-automat-bego aja. Aku nyasar!

Padahal aku udah sering ke Löwengebäude, tapi untuk hari yang indah ini ternyata aku nyasar. Sepertinya otakku belum tenang sepenuhnya setelah kehilangan ATM. Astaghfirullah...

Untunglah, urusan ASQ di Löwengebäude cepat kelar. Semesterbeitrag pun udah ditransfer. Okayyy Nada you did at least a great job!

Dan setelah itu aku pergi ke Baumarkt,beli karton untuk pindahan. Dan itu tokonya masya Allah jauh banget ampe rasanya aku udah nyampe Köthen -_-

dan...aku nyasar lagi. (which is no wonder at all, because I even forgot where the Lion-Building is)

Geez. That was lame. I translated “Löwengebäude” to english “Lion-building” and when I read it now it sounds ridiculous.

Setelah jalan kesana kemari nyari tokonya, thanks to Google Map, I found it! Dan aku beli 3 karton. Langsung bayar serta merta,udah ga ada waktu lagi soalnya,berhubung belum shalat dzuhur dan waktu dzuhur di winter itu singkat banget. ew. Ternyata masih ada ketidakberuntunganku yang tersisa, aku kehilangan satu karton. I lost it! It costed 2 Euros each! And the store is located out of nowhere! Masa aku harus balik kesana lagi x(

Di perjalanan pulang, apa lagi? Tentu saja, tram dan busnya penuh supaya perjalanan nada tambah menyenangkan. Ugh.

Hal menyenangkannya belum sampai situ saja, bahkan beberapa pasang mata melihatku dengan aneh,bahkan ada yang keliatan TAKUT. O ye.

You know what? You know how it feels? You know how awkward was it, when I went in the store and they're accidentally playing a radio and it was telling about muslim terrorist and P*gida (anti islam) and everyone in the store just stare at you?

Hmmpphh.

Dan yang buat aku marah, aku pernah baca status di facebook yang isinya gini “alhamdulillah mereka dibunuh”. WUT. I mean, are you serious? You're telling people that you are a proud muslim and you said stupid thing like that? Not only you (whoever who wrote the status), but to those two people too, who killed people because their prophet is mocked. Whoa, did they even think?

Pertama, I know you love Rasulullah so much. I know. And maybe my love towards Rasulullah is not as rasant as yours. But no matter how much it is, it doesn't mean you are allowed to take someone's precious life!

Image muslim, yang beberapa tahun belakangan ini semakin baik, jadi hancur begitu saja karena ada orang lugu yang membunuh orang karena dia membela Rasulullah. Dunia Barat yang sebenarnya sudah mulai menghormati keberadaan islam, jadi berbalik arah dan tidak respect lagi dengan Islam. Islam yang sempurna, yang dengan semua pengorbanan Rasulullah SAW yang sudah menegakkannya, runtuh image nya di mata dunia. Bukannya Muslim itu rahmatan lil alamin? Rahmat untuk seluruh alam? Tapi kok justru ada muslim yang membunuh? Kok ada yang bersyukur karna ada yang terbunuh?

Dan satu hal lagi. Ada yang bilang gini, “jutaan orang meninggal di palestina tapi dunia diam saja. 12 orang meninggal, tapi seluruh dunia gempar dan menyatakan berduka. Bahkan pimpinan muslim juga ikut-ikutan”

Bagiku sih, pemimpin-pemimpin itu tidak salah kok. Justru itu tindakan yang mulia! Istilahnya nih, air tuba dibalas air susu. Subhanallah, kalau orang-orang lain menyadari itu, mereka pasti jadi ngeh kalau Islam itu indah banget. Itu yang diajarkan Rasulullah SAW kan?

Setelah kupikir-pikir, emangnya pernah ya, Sahabat-Sahabat Rasulullah yang membunuh orang (bukan di peperangan) karena ada yang menyakiti Rasulullah SAW. Ada nggak? Perasaan nih, Rasulullah bahkan dilempari kotoran, tapi tidak ada Sahabat yang bertindak konyol seperti orang yang di perancis itu. Ya kan?

Kalau kita mencintai Allah dan RasulNya,ya lakukan apa yang diperintahkan dan jauhi yang dilarang. Udah. Period. Titik. Punkt. Ga ada yang ditambah-tambah. Kalau kata orang papua,

tra usah bikin gerakan tambahan!

Disini, aku minta maaf ya kalo kata-kataku ada yang nyelekit. Soalnya ini uneg-unegku belakangan ini, ditambah lagi pengalamanku yang sangat super hari ini, semua uneg-unegku itu harus dikeluarin hehe.

Jadi, kesimpulannya, dear muslims, behave! Kalau kita muslim, kita harus tunjukkan pada dunia akhlak yang baik, soalnya mata dunia semua tertuju pada kita sekarang. Watch your words, don't let it be sword to stab yourself. Mau jihad? Aku juga mau.

Jaman sekarang ini udah ga efektif jihad dengan senjata. Jihadnya dengan otak, skill, kecakapan. Katanya mau tegakkan khilafah kan? Kembangkan kemampuan kita semaksimal mungkin. Cuma baca n hafal Al-Qur'an itu ga cukup, cuma ritual ibadah itu ga cukup untuk membangkitkan khilafah. Khilafah butuh politisi hebat, ahli medis cakap, ilmuwan jenius, pendidik kompeten, bahkan artis yang berakhlak, bukan cuma ustadz!

Dan satu lagi, bagi muslim yang lagi di eropa, yang sama-sama merasakan suasana tidak enak ini, tetap semangat! pas

Sekian celotehan dari saya.

In my dream

She comes back

She says she’s sorry

The skilled hands those I missed cares my own

The apologetic eyes that look at me

the voice I want to hear

Tenderly telling me not to cry

If you hold me in my arms

and you disappear

The tears flow and my pillow becomes wet

At last I wake up from my sleep

Every morning is always like that…

I wish I would fall asleep forever like this

I wake up with her presence still…

although I hope I don’t dream again,

Like today, it seems I fall asleep with her presence

She’s smiling

It’s really been too long

I’ve missed that expression

She’s my superhero, isn’t she?

She’s walking away

Caring another person

My chest ‘s like it’s being crushed under a heavy weight

I’m dreaming again, right?

Cold sweat runs down my body

It hurts to dream about things,

I hate to remember

I can’t do anything all day long

We’ll spend lot of time together, right…

I wish I would fall asleep forever like this

I wake up with her presence still…

although I hope I don’t dream again,

Like today, it seems I fall asleep with her presence

Everything is becoming cloudy

but her image is getting stronger

Like I dreamed yesterday, today she comes to me

Now I wish I don’t have to sleep alone anymore

I wish I would fall asleep forever like this

I wake up with her presence still…

If I could only see you today too,

If I could do it again,

If I come back again…

If you slept by my side one more time

If that happened once again,

I wouldn’t want to wake up

BESsBESsBESsBESsBESsBESsBESsBESsBESsBESsBESsBESsBESsBESsBESsBESs

The Beginning

It was friday, I was sitting in my classroom and someone taped a brochure on the wall of my class. I didn´t pay attention of it at all firstly. The next lesson is math, and I had semester test on the next week. My teacher, Mr. Mula Tambun Saribu (he is my favorite math teacher) came to me and asked

"have you read that brochure?“

I said "No, I´m not into it."

“Where do you like to study, kid?“

„I´m really dying to study in Unpad sir! I want to study medicine there. I want to be a doctor.“

he didn´t agree with me. He said that that´s a shame if I take medicine for college. He said that technic is the one thing that suit me very well, considering of my good score in math and several lesson that connected with counting. He was angry at me. Even he said, if I really want to study medicine, so I ought to study not in Indonesia but abroad! He asked me to read the brochure. The brochure told about a management called Jerman Manajemen, which help students to study in Germany. And there was a presentation on Sunday. Mr. Mula said that I have to see the presentation, it will be good for me. I said, that I have no passion to study in Germany. And he forced me just for seeing the presentation. I use the test on next week as my excuse for not going to the presentation.

„I will have test on monday! I have to study, so I can´t go there“

„The test is not important! This presentation is very useful for you. This is for the future!“

I didn´t have any word to say then -_-

I gave up. My teacher won. Finally I came to the presentation with my mom, Anita, and Irham. Then..my eyes were fully opened! I was so enthusiast. Suddenly it felt like an old memory wink at me. I am so happy, I can be like Ikal and Arai!

Irham and Anita are very enthusiast too. All of us were starting to wonder on how it will be like in Germany, how we will be together along the way there... Remembering this, I am so sad. At the end, they aren´t going here with me. Our destiny is to be separated, how hard we fight to get it, if God decide something different from our plan, we can do just nothing. But I still feel your presence, guys. You are all still close to me, no matter how far we are. Our friendship is too strong, even a thousand miles can´t break it.

I still remember what Irham has said to me, he asked me to take some pictures in Germany, and I have to write his name there. Sure, my brother, I´ll do it then!

To be studying abroad is not easy. Especially for me. My family is not that rich, and studying abroad is such a heavy thing to get. Actually, my parents have sparred the money for preparation of my medicine study. Everyone know that studying medicine needs much money, right? Because mama and papa knew that I want to be a doctor since my childhood, they prepare it earlier. With all the kindness of my parents, they did their job nicely and save some of the money for my study. The amount has reached 200 million rupiahs, that´s all for my future college. But the plan has changed, I´m not just going to study medicine, I also want to study abroad. The counting that Mr. Wünsche has done, the amount is nearly the same. Studying in Germany is actually not as expensive as in Indonesia. Even it´s cheaper. For medicine, that is known by Indonesian people as the most expensive faculty, we don´t have to pay as much as in Indonesia. The most expensive public University is not more than 700€.

We felt safe in our heart, realizing that our money is enough for my study in Germany. But there is a new rule, students who have interest for studying in Germany should be 600 hours Deutsch learning. It will not finish if I start the languange learning when I go to Germany. Mr. Wünsche made a decision to held a German Course in Indonesia, so the students will make it in the right time. Extra course in Indonesia, extra money we need. It freaks me out, do my parents have enough money for it?

Mom and dad said not to worry, it´s all their responsible. All I have to do is studying. As simple as that. Of course it´s not simple to me. I really don´t want to put heavy burdens on my parents´back. The itme went by, national examination came closer, and I don´t know from where will my parents get money. Can I finally go to Germany or not? This question was spinning in my head, while I prepared myself to face the examination. I studied really hard, just to make my parents proud of me. I don´t want to disappoint them again like I did in junior high school. I failed to get the highest score in final examination of JHS. I still remember that day, when the result´s announced, I am not even in the big 10. I went home that afternoon with an unbearable tears. it´s not about the rank anyway. I just wanted to get good score just for my parents. They have done million things to make me happy, and for me, my score will make them happy too.

Alhamdulillah, I reached my goal. In high school, I finally got the first rank for final examination in Papua region! On the graduation day, I had to come to school earlier because I had to make preparation for my performance. Yes, I performed a traditional dance from West Sumatera with my friends. Deep in my heart, I felt my heart beated so fast because I have waited for this moment a long time. I want to see my parents´ happy smile. I have done with my costume and my make-up, suddenly there was an announcement from headmaster for me. I was asked to come to teacher´s room. Then I´m exactly asked to be interviewed from a local TV station in Papua, Papua TV. I was a little confused, why do I have to? Why not somebody else? I was currently wearing an eye-catching outfit and I knew that it´s too weird to appear in TV with it. But Mr. Wayan (the headmaster) kept insisting.

And! The reporter whispered that to me! I heard it first from nobody but her! She said that I am interviewed because I got highest score in final examination for Papua region. What a surprise! Actually, I can´t believe that I heard it from someone I didn´t know. Why didn´t Mr. Wayan tell me himself? But still, thank you! Hahaha. I was so happy and I can´t help to not move from my place. I waited my parents calmly and made decision not to tell them early. I let them know by the announcement, not from me so it will be a big surprise! ^^

Well, I´m only the best score in Papua region, it´s not that great. But I´m very thankful for that, because I could see my parents´ happy tears, not their tears of sadness like I used to make them sad day by day. So it´s me, the girl who has graduated from high school. I am facing real world now!

Fly away

This is my first post! I mean,the post that I do in Germany. I love this town, but I love my hometown more, Papua!

On September 2nd 2013, I left Indonesia. I left my beloved family, I have gone out of my comfort zone. I didn´t cry that time. But after leaving here for 2 weeks, I started to feel weird. I felt that there´s something missed in my life. At first I really have no idea what I really feel. I was sitting alone in my room, accompanied by silence, I looked around and wondered “What am I doing here?”

stupid thoughts came into my mind, this is not where I belong! In a blick my head was twisted and I suddenly forgot my aim to be in Germany. I have forgotten, that those were all my decisions! I am the person, who asked her parents to take college abroad. I am the girl who dreamed of being like “Arai”. Do you know Arai? He is my favorite one. I know his name from a phenomenal book, Laskar Pelangi. That book really has inspired me. It tells about how life can be turned out to be so blue, how people could stand up when the other said that it,s impossible. Arai is not the main character of this novel, he is just a side character, the cousin of the main character, Ikal. Ikal and Arai were a dreamer. They came from a small city that nobody never care of them. They are very poor, but Arai never had a sad face on. He always find a good thing to make Ikal smiling again. In their high school, Arai ever said to his brother, they will go studying in Paris! Ikal said that it´s to much to be dreaming of, but Arai set a stone head and say surely they will go there someday. After their high school graduation, both of them went to Jakarta, unfortunately they are accepted in different university there, so they were separated for a while. Some years had passed, und Ikal already successed to have his bachelor. He didn´t hear anything from his brother in those years. But he never forget, what Arai has said to him. He sent applications to get scholarship in other country to accomplish his dream. He went to an office and was being interviewed for the study. He did the interview very well and got the scholarship to University of Sorbonne, France. He was very happy but he was thinking about Arai. “How is he now? I wish we could go there together!” he was still in the office, he heard his brothers voice. That guy came out of an interview room, and surprisingly, it was Arai! And he will go studying in Sorbonne too!

Laskar Pelangi is a book which was written based on the authors real story. Ikal and Arai really exist in reality. It gives me big hope, that I can be like them too. I love the quote that Arai said

“Have a dream, and God will hold it”

-Arai-

Since that time, I always dream to study abroad too. Thanks God! I got it too! My story is not as amazing as Arai's, but I´m feeling so lucky to be me. I have my own story,my own world, my own family, and it´s all wonderful!

By dreaming gives our brain suggestion, without our conciousness, it stays in our mind forever and work to reach it. I will keep my big dream, because Arai has taught me not to be scared to dream.

I am trying to write a post in German :D

Ich lerne Deutsch für mein Studium in Deutschland. Ich will ein Post auf Deutsch schreiben. Also....

Am 3 September werde ich nach Deutschland fliegen! Ich weiß nicht,dass ich fehle glücklich oder traurig. Noch 9 Tage, ich werde nicht in Indonesien bleiben, ich werde meine Heimat vermissen :(

Heute morgen um 5 Uhr bin ich aufgestanden. Zuerst habe ich Subuh gebetet und danach habe ich Al-Qur´an gelesen. Nach Al-Qur´an Lesen schlafe ich wieder nicht. Eigentlich ich kann nicht  wieder schlafen wenn ich morgen schon aufstehen. Meine Mutter sagt wir sollen nicht überschlafen, weil das nicht gut ist. Zeit ist wertvoll, wenn wir früher als jeder aufstehen, dann können wir mehr Vorteil nehmen.

Ok, ich will die Geschicht fortfahren.

Dann habe ich Musik gehört, ich höre neu Liede dass ich habe gerade gestern downloaded. Gestern Nachmittag habe ich Liede von meiner Lehrerin bekommen. Sie sind Liede von Bosse und Silbermond. Ich mag die Liede! Die Lied von Silbermond ist am liebsten für mich. Ein Ding mag ich von Silbermond ist die Stimme. Die Sängerin hat eine schöne Stimme. Und ihre Stimme ist sehr leicht. Lecker! #was?

Wenn ich Silbermond “Symphonie“ zuhöre, dann denke ich über meine Familie in Jayapura und ich weine leise. Ich habe schon meine Eltern vermißt,und alle meinen Frunde und Freundinnen auch. Wenn ich über meine Eltern denke, dann will ich das Studium absagen. Weil ich mit meinen Eltern bleiben möchte. Ich möchte mit ihnen für immer zusammen sein!

Aber ich muss stark wie ein Baum im Sturm sein und meine Eltern stolz machen.

Wünschen Sie mir bitte viel Glück :)

not so bad

It’s been the second day of Idul Fitri! Yes, I have passed the sad moments :D

Yesterday I woke up at 5 o’clock. It felt so strange because I used to wake up in a huge riot in my house in Idul Fitri. And now I have to wake up when nobody in the room wake up. I used to stay awake in Idul Fitri’s eve help my mother to cook special dishes for the special day. The last Idul Fitri day in Jayapura I slept at 3.30 am. And I just slept for 1 hour! Super girl, huh? :p

This year, I woke up at 5 o’clock and nothing in my room indicates that it’s Idul Fitri already except 3 jars of cookies my mom sent me. The place to do Shalat Ied is exact in front of my dorm so I just took a slow action and relaxing my self at the bathroom haha. Alhamdulillah, it was bright. I love the warm weather J Though, in the end of Shalat Ied, my tears fell down. But I’m still happy, God always be with me.

After praying I went back to my room and nobody still has not waken up -.-

I ate my cookies happily alone, ohhh.... I love every cookies my mom makes <3 p="">

In the afternoon my JM Family did some visits to our friends’ house, Gilang, Dhuita, and Kadang. So this is what we called ‘togetherness’ :D We spent at least an hour ina house. We’d like to eat whatever food served in front us haha. We didn’t have embarassment at all XD

We chatted, we laughed, we ate together, we stole drinks, we tasted every cookies in the jar, and I’ve found them as my new family J Thanks God, you still give me happiness in my saddest moment. Allah is The Greatest!

Funny thing I had in this Idul Fitri is, my friend Maria taught me Padangnese! Although she is Bataknese, she lived in Padang and he taught me a real Padangnese about Bahasa Padang. Confused? Yeah, me too.

But Maria told me Bahasa Padang to give some sh*t to the boys. It’s ridiculuous when I shouted a Padang sentence and my friend Gilang (who doesn’t know Bahasa Padang too) replied with another damn thing commanded by the Padang boys.

Nada : Ang buruak! (you’re ugly!)

Gilang : Ya, den buruak! (yes, I’m ugly!)

The boys made fun of Gilang because whispering the wrong answer to get Gilang mad haha.

Don’t try this at home okay :D