An Untold Love Story

I am not a romantic lovey dovey person, hence why I actually object to tell other people about my private life. Nevertheless,this time I feel like it's okay to share you guys some pieces, concerning that I have no longer deep feeling about it, as I already moved on and grown up ever since. This story is nowhere near a marvelous cinderella story, but it taught me something about my journey. It's a piece of mozaic in my life which shows me how much I develop, how far I've gone. I hope it will inspire someone who read it.

Well, if you ask me who my first love is, I'll state: I haven't been in love yet! Yes I admit that I was attracted to boys couple times, but I never took it seriously. It was all just a young girl's ignorance, willing to find love. But then I had a chapter in my book that means a lot to me.

The Beginning

It was friday, I was sitting in my classroom and someone taped a brochure on the wall of my class. I didn´t pay attention of it at all firstly. The next lesson is math, and I had semester test on the next week. My teacher, Mr. Mula Tambun Saribu (he is my favorite math teacher) came to me and asked

"have you read that brochure?“

I said "No, I´m not into it."

“Where do you like to study, kid?“

„I´m really dying to study in Unpad sir! I want to study medicine there. I want to be a doctor.“

he didn´t agree with me. He said that that´s a shame if I take medicine for college. He said that technic is the one thing that suit me very well, considering of my good score in math and several lesson that connected with counting. He was angry at me. Even he said, if I really want to study medicine, so I ought to study not in Indonesia but abroad! He asked me to read the brochure. The brochure told about a management called Jerman Manajemen, which help students to study in Germany. And there was a presentation on Sunday. Mr. Mula said that I have to see the presentation, it will be good for me. I said, that I have no passion to study in Germany. And he forced me just for seeing the presentation. I use the test on next week as my excuse for not going to the presentation.

„I will have test on monday! I have to study, so I can´t go there“

„The test is not important! This presentation is very useful for you. This is for the future!“

I didn´t have any word to say then -_-

I gave up. My teacher won. Finally I came to the presentation with my mom, Anita, and Irham. Then..my eyes were fully opened! I was so enthusiast. Suddenly it felt like an old memory wink at me. I am so happy, I can be like Ikal and Arai!

Irham and Anita are very enthusiast too. All of us were starting to wonder on how it will be like in Germany, how we will be together along the way there... Remembering this, I am so sad. At the end, they aren´t going here with me. Our destiny is to be separated, how hard we fight to get it, if God decide something different from our plan, we can do just nothing. But I still feel your presence, guys. You are all still close to me, no matter how far we are. Our friendship is too strong, even a thousand miles can´t break it.

I still remember what Irham has said to me, he asked me to take some pictures in Germany, and I have to write his name there. Sure, my brother, I´ll do it then!

To be studying abroad is not easy. Especially for me. My family is not that rich, and studying abroad is such a heavy thing to get. Actually, my parents have sparred the money for preparation of my medicine study. Everyone know that studying medicine needs much money, right? Because mama and papa knew that I want to be a doctor since my childhood, they prepare it earlier. With all the kindness of my parents, they did their job nicely and save some of the money for my study. The amount has reached 200 million rupiahs, that´s all for my future college. But the plan has changed, I´m not just going to study medicine, I also want to study abroad. The counting that Mr. Wünsche has done, the amount is nearly the same. Studying in Germany is actually not as expensive as in Indonesia. Even it´s cheaper. For medicine, that is known by Indonesian people as the most expensive faculty, we don´t have to pay as much as in Indonesia. The most expensive public University is not more than 700€.

We felt safe in our heart, realizing that our money is enough for my study in Germany. But there is a new rule, students who have interest for studying in Germany should be 600 hours Deutsch learning. It will not finish if I start the languange learning when I go to Germany. Mr. Wünsche made a decision to held a German Course in Indonesia, so the students will make it in the right time. Extra course in Indonesia, extra money we need. It freaks me out, do my parents have enough money for it?

Mom and dad said not to worry, it´s all their responsible. All I have to do is studying. As simple as that. Of course it´s not simple to me. I really don´t want to put heavy burdens on my parents´back. The itme went by, national examination came closer, and I don´t know from where will my parents get money. Can I finally go to Germany or not? This question was spinning in my head, while I prepared myself to face the examination. I studied really hard, just to make my parents proud of me. I don´t want to disappoint them again like I did in junior high school. I failed to get the highest score in final examination of JHS. I still remember that day, when the result´s announced, I am not even in the big 10. I went home that afternoon with an unbearable tears. it´s not about the rank anyway. I just wanted to get good score just for my parents. They have done million things to make me happy, and for me, my score will make them happy too.

Alhamdulillah, I reached my goal. In high school, I finally got the first rank for final examination in Papua region! On the graduation day, I had to come to school earlier because I had to make preparation for my performance. Yes, I performed a traditional dance from West Sumatera with my friends. Deep in my heart, I felt my heart beated so fast because I have waited for this moment a long time. I want to see my parents´ happy smile. I have done with my costume and my make-up, suddenly there was an announcement from headmaster for me. I was asked to come to teacher´s room. Then I´m exactly asked to be interviewed from a local TV station in Papua, Papua TV. I was a little confused, why do I have to? Why not somebody else? I was currently wearing an eye-catching outfit and I knew that it´s too weird to appear in TV with it. But Mr. Wayan (the headmaster) kept insisting.

And! The reporter whispered that to me! I heard it first from nobody but her! She said that I am interviewed because I got highest score in final examination for Papua region. What a surprise! Actually, I can´t believe that I heard it from someone I didn´t know. Why didn´t Mr. Wayan tell me himself? But still, thank you! Hahaha. I was so happy and I can´t help to not move from my place. I waited my parents calmly and made decision not to tell them early. I let them know by the announcement, not from me so it will be a big surprise! ^^

Well, I´m only the best score in Papua region, it´s not that great. But I´m very thankful for that, because I could see my parents´ happy tears, not their tears of sadness like I used to make them sad day by day. So it´s me, the girl who has graduated from high school. I am facing real world now!

going to be a sixteen years old girl

Dear boy, I didn't notice so much effort you do for getting me smiling. You really did it well, but I was very clueless to see a damn obvious thing like that. I got no sign, and showed no action to reply your attempt to make me happy. I thought you were just like any other despite the deepest feeling of my heart said that you are the right one.

Dear boy, jealousy often overwhelmed me crazily when other girl get a chance talking to you which was I didn't get because you're likely starring at me instead of chat with me. I hit your body at random part any time I was jealous, and the next thing I did is went hiding to the backyard of the school to cry alone regreting my doings.

Dear boy, I get mad almost in anytime I talked and you were just kept starring at me without at least a single sentence. Even I was angry when my very-long-story only received about 'one-two word' answers. I damned so much and took large amount of energy in thinking to make you feel that telling a long story which is you won't tell to anyone else but me, is a obligation.

Dear boy, yesterday I browsed the web and read about boys' reasons to break up with their girlfriend. I saw "changing her boyfriend's personality until suits with her will" in the first chart and curse how stupid I was because of closing the tab quickly immediately after reading the sentence, had a lot of fears of losing your affection by my stupid and coward mindset.

My eyes were blind and failed to see that the months ago me's selfishness to someone I give my heart with a good grace. It's undoubtly horrible to remember my bad treating to my loved ones. The pride I had been owning this long ago faded away as you hammer me home and open my eyes to the great affection ever was. But surprisingly the current me version's stil having a bit of pride to admit my wrong, and beg forgiveness for my sin.

I apologized to you repeatedly, and it broke my heart a little when you didn't get angry. It broke my heart a lot when i was the only one that's mad at myself and at the situation. You kept on asking me if i was okay, and truth is, i was not. But you knew that i stilll have too much pride in me to admit that too.

The article opened my eyes to something that the fifteen years old me failed to see; that you love me despite of anything, despite of everything, and that you always will. Your deep silence I got is so clear now. I have understood that you has been listening me so patiently, and you paid full attention on me even when I'm talking. I realize that you've done something charming, listening more than talking. I just didn't know how odious a boy might be if a boy keep on talking bullshit and never listen to what you say. Sometimes I was furious when you grip my hand or something like that but you still had patience to tell me that those action was to keep me away from danger, for instance, to avoid my hand from insect's shit which I almost touched.

Now that i think about it, the other girls might receive the freedom, and that bitch might have stolen my precious time as well my freedom, but i was the one chosen by God to be the one loved by a boy as wonderful as you are.
Dear boy, you are grown up well becoming a great man.

And if ever that bitch's reading this:
Go to hell.

express overdo

January, 10th 2012: HILARIOUS DAY

Yeah, you could read it by yourself, it is an extremely HILARIOUS day!!!!
Give me high five for that guys! Please!

This wonderful day was started by my math teacher, Mr. Mula Tambun Saribu. Our math teacher is changed, and everyone in the class funnily moan it. For myself and I, my previous math teacher and our current teacher is the same good. But in a different way you didn't notice. He is cheerful and funny, moreover, he intimate with technology.
But hey, this is fustrating! That's what exactly not made my day.

Okay, before the story goes longer and complicated like Indonesia's economy problem, we are heading to the next moment :D
After math, we got chemistry to learn. Bwah, dear Mr. Chemistry, why isn't you as hot as Chemical Romance,huh? We will might need citric acid for The Black Parade,if I right?
(ugh, stop it. This way too amazing. HAH)

the last lesson is Art. For the eleven grade, we have acting and drama-ing. Our teacher is a real artist, believe me. He surely teaches us how to act happiness, sadness, misery, tremendous anger, laughing, being mad (for this role we don't need much effort to play it somehow haha) and etc.
We are asked to write a story about our last holiday in 30 minutes later. This task is like another blog post, I did it the same way when I do a posting. Personally I think that my own mind already has its unique beat of writing that give my writing a peculiar me. We had to collect our writing 10 minutes before the bell ring. Suddenly, Mr. Jeff told me to go read my work in front of the class. So that, with my special unbearable clueless expression, I read my writing titled "Sabang Sampai Merauke". After I finished read it, my teacher remarked that my work was very good. He told me that I am talented to become a writer.
Yeah, hit me.

This kind of quirk thing is happened again. It's like when I recklessly followed an essay-writing competition in Cenderawasih University and won as the third winner! Wkwkwk, how can this kind of rare thing possibly be happened? :D
but, still......no! It's not the great things I mentioned.

'So what is it?' the small voice in your head all says.
I'm not going to explain in this paragraph. Because I have to get you fellows all are too curious and dying to kill me if I don't tell you the main thing is in the next sentence. Hahaha. Maybe it's too overdo for a joke. :D (that's what my mom will say if she catch me on this blog of mine)
but maybe one of you really will? :p
The bell rang! Actually, I want to write the pretty sound of the bell (to get this post more alive like all of the writers do), but I don't have any idea to even spell it. You are allowed to imagine how the bell sounds by your own creativity. Haha, what the hell.

As the bell started to ring, it's a sign for me to prepare myself to get on an after-school-meeting. Ohh...this was soooo GREAT! The only one whom opinion suited me is Trivena (the Co-president of students council, and got position as Talent manager in the action). It was a dissatisfactory, bet on it. The meeting run at a snail's pace!
So? Are you fully satisfy now? You have known the biggest thing of the day.

Do a prayer of me, please ;D
Beg me a bunch of patience for not being perfectionist.