going to be a sixteen years old girl

Dear boy, I didn't notice so much effort you do for getting me smiling. You really did it well, but I was very clueless to see a damn obvious thing like that. I got no sign, and showed no action to reply your attempt to make me happy. I thought you were just like any other despite the deepest feeling of my heart said that you are the right one.

Dear boy, jealousy often overwhelmed me crazily when other girl get a chance talking to you which was I didn't get because you're likely starring at me instead of chat with me. I hit your body at random part any time I was jealous, and the next thing I did is went hiding to the backyard of the school to cry alone regreting my doings.

Dear boy, I get mad almost in anytime I talked and you were just kept starring at me without at least a single sentence. Even I was angry when my very-long-story only received about 'one-two word' answers. I damned so much and took large amount of energy in thinking to make you feel that telling a long story which is you won't tell to anyone else but me, is a obligation.

Dear boy, yesterday I browsed the web and read about boys' reasons to break up with their girlfriend. I saw "changing her boyfriend's personality until suits with her will" in the first chart and curse how stupid I was because of closing the tab quickly immediately after reading the sentence, had a lot of fears of losing your affection by my stupid and coward mindset.

My eyes were blind and failed to see that the months ago me's selfishness to someone I give my heart with a good grace. It's undoubtly horrible to remember my bad treating to my loved ones. The pride I had been owning this long ago faded away as you hammer me home and open my eyes to the great affection ever was. But surprisingly the current me version's stil having a bit of pride to admit my wrong, and beg forgiveness for my sin.

I apologized to you repeatedly, and it broke my heart a little when you didn't get angry. It broke my heart a lot when i was the only one that's mad at myself and at the situation. You kept on asking me if i was okay, and truth is, i was not. But you knew that i stilll have too much pride in me to admit that too.

The article opened my eyes to something that the fifteen years old me failed to see; that you love me despite of anything, despite of everything, and that you always will. Your deep silence I got is so clear now. I have understood that you has been listening me so patiently, and you paid full attention on me even when I'm talking. I realize that you've done something charming, listening more than talking. I just didn't know how odious a boy might be if a boy keep on talking bullshit and never listen to what you say. Sometimes I was furious when you grip my hand or something like that but you still had patience to tell me that those action was to keep me away from danger, for instance, to avoid my hand from insect's shit which I almost touched.

Now that i think about it, the other girls might receive the freedom, and that bitch might have stolen my precious time as well my freedom, but i was the one chosen by God to be the one loved by a boy as wonderful as you are.
Dear boy, you are grown up well becoming a great man.

And if ever that bitch's reading this:
Go to hell.