I'm trapped

it's holiday, and I have nothing to do. Well, it's actually like this : I have many things to work on, but I really don't have any passion or power to do it. I feel like don't want to do anything. These days run slowly. I have planned my holiday to spend more time to study preparing for the test that I will face in February. This test is very important, because I have to be succeed. I have to enter my pra college phase this summer.
so... my friends go to swiss, and I decode not to come along, with that reason : to study and prepare myself for the test.
That plan doesn't run well now.
I am getting tired of studying, but my brain keeps telling me to study. And my heart has said it, I can't! I have reached the level, where my mind is totally messed up. My days passed with nothing. This couple days I didn't even leave my room. I stayed inside my secure area like a bear hibernating in winter (hey! It matches anyway! It IS winter). Alone.
Actually I have a roommate, but she gets her own friends and so do I. She goes hang out with her friends and do sleepover in her friends room. Nothing false with that, I know. I did it many times to. The important point is, I know what it feels like to be alone. I just realized how my mom has been feeling all these years, when I was busy with my school, and don't make enough time to be with her.
I was too busy with my own world. I spent more time with my friends than my mom. I go to school at the morning, and then go home at the evening. At home I was tired and still had to study. The rest of the time I spent in front of my laptop. Mom often went to my room, she sat on my bed, while I didn't pay attention to her at all. How could I do that? How dare I was! If I could turn back time, I will definitely not do that such a thing.
Yeah. It's too cliché.
I have been a stupid girl, and I was just too naïve to realize it.
I just got a random thought few minutes ago. I know that's ridiculous, but I have to admit it that my tiny heart has said it:
My life will be easier is I just stay in my hometown and live with my mom. Everything will be okay and nothing to be afraid of. My life will be filled with happiness, as long as I can be by my mom's side.
But still, my brain never gives up: All I do here is for my mom. For my family. For a better future, for more happiness that will come to my family if be a success lady.
Longer I live faraway, more things I learn about life.
Now I know, I have too much things that I regret deeply in my heart.
If I get chance:
  1. I will spend looooooong time with my mom so she won't be feeling alone
  2. I will massage her stressed body (which is caused by me, of course)
  3. I will watch Running Man, my favorite TV Show with my mom, so I can share laughter with her
  4. I will tell everyday, whenever I finish eating the food, it's really delicious. (and I'm not lying!)
  5. I will not just watch her cooking, but helping her
  6. I will clean the house everyday, making it tidy so my mom and dad will be relaxed there
  7. I will chat with dad more
  8. I will come to pengajian in friday night with mom
  9. I will wash the dishes after I've done eating (and not only the plate)
  10. I will put my stuffs on its place directly when I just got home
  11. I will ask mom to comb my hair more often
  12. I will always eat my food up
  13. I will not sleep too long, and I will wake up earlier in the morning
  14. When mom ask me to bu something at kios, I will go directly without complaining or making reason
  15. I will have longer chit chat with my parents and ask whether their day is ok or not
Conclusion of this post :

I'm trapped with my karma. But I'm so thankful of it, although it's literally late.


In my dream

She comes back
She says she’s sorry
The skilled hands those I missed cares my own
The apologetic eyes that look at me
the voice I want to hear
Tenderly telling me not to cry
If you hold me in my arms
and you disappear
The tears flow and my pillow becomes wet
At last I wake up from my sleep
Every morning is always like that…

I wish I would fall asleep forever like this
I wake up with her presence still…
although I hope I don’t dream again,
Like today, it seems I fall asleep with her presence

She’s smiling
It’s really been too long
I’ve missed that expression
She’s my superhero, isn’t she?
She’s walking away
Caring another person
My chest ‘s like it’s being crushed under a heavy weight
I’m dreaming again, right?
Cold sweat runs down my body
It hurts to dream about things,
I hate to remember
I can’t do anything all day long
We’ll spend lot of time together, right…

I wish I would fall asleep forever like this
I wake up with her presence still…
although I hope I don’t dream again,
Like today, it seems I fall asleep with her presence

Everything is becoming cloudy
but her image is getting stronger
Like I dreamed yesterday, today she comes to me
Now I wish I don’t have to sleep alone anymore

I wish I would fall asleep forever like this
I wake up with her presence still…
If I could only see you today too,
If I could do it again,
If I come back again…
If you slept by my side one more time
If that happened once again,

I wouldn’t want to wake up



The Beginning

It was friday, I was sitting in my classroom and someone taped a brochure on the wall of my class. I didn´t pay attention of it at all firstly. The next lesson is math, and I had semester test on the next week. My teacher, Mr. Mula Tambun Saribu (he is my favorite math teacher) came to me and asked

"have you read that brochure?“
I said "No, I´m not into it."
Where do you like to study, kid?“
I´m really dying to study in Unpad sir! I want to study medicine there. I want to be a doctor.“

he didn´t agree with me. He said that that´s a shame if I take medicine for college. He said that technic is the one thing that suit me very well, considering of my good score in math and several lesson that connected with counting. He was angry at me. Even he said, if I really want to study medicine, so I ought to study not in Indonesia but abroad! He asked me to read the brochure. The brochure told about a management called Jerman Manajemen, which help students to study in Germany. And there was a presentation on Sunday. Mr. Mula said that I have to see the presentation, it will be good for me. I said, that I have no passion to study in Germany. And he forced me just for seeing the presentation. I use the test on next week as my excuse for not going to the presentation.

I will have test on monday! I have to study, so I can´t go there“
The test is not important! This presentation is very useful for you. This is for the future!“
I didn´t have any word to say then -_-
I gave up. My teacher won. Finally I came to the presentation with my mom, Anita, and Irham. Then..my eyes were fully opened! I was so enthusiast. Suddenly it felt like an old memory wink at me. I am so happy, I can be like Ikal and Arai!

Irham and Anita are very enthusiast too. All of us were starting to wonder on how it will be like in Germany, how we will be together along the way there... Remembering this, I am so sad. At the end, they aren´t going here with me. Our destiny is to be separated, how hard we fight to get it, if God decide something different from our plan, we can do just nothing. But I still feel your presence, guys. You are all still close to me, no matter how far we are. Our friendship is too strong, even a thousand miles can´t break it.
I still remember what Irham has said to me, he asked me to take some pictures in Germany, and I have to write his name there. Sure, my brother, I´ll do it then!

To be studying abroad is not easy. Especially for me. My family is not that rich, and studying abroad is such a heavy thing to get. Actually, my parents have sparred the money for preparation of my medicine study. Everyone know that studying medicine needs much money, right? Because mama and papa knew that I want to be a doctor since my childhood, they prepare it earlier. With all the kindness of my parents, they did their job nicely and save some of the money for my study. The amount has reached 200 million rupiahs, that´s all for my future college. But the plan has changed, I´m not just going to study medicine, I also want to study abroad. The counting that Mr. Wünsche has done, the amount is nearly the same. Studying in Germany is actually not as expensive as in Indonesia. Even it´s cheaper. For medicine, that is known by Indonesian people as the most expensive faculty, we don´t have to pay as much as in Indonesia. The most expensive public University is not more than 700€.

We felt safe in our heart, realizing that our money is enough for my study in Germany. But there is a new rule, students who have interest for studying in Germany should be 600 hours Deutsch learning. It will not finish if I start the languange learning when I go to Germany. Mr. Wünsche made a decision to held a German Course in Indonesia, so the students will make it in the right time. Extra course in Indonesia, extra money we need. It freaks me out, do my parents have enough money for it?

Mom and dad said not to worry, it´s all their responsible. All I have to do is studying. As simple as that. Of course it´s not simple to me. I really don´t want to put heavy burdens on my parents´back. The itme went by, national examination came closer, and I don´t know from where will my parents get money. Can I finally go to Germany or not? This question was spinning in my head, while I prepared myself to face the examination. I studied really hard, just to make my parents proud of me. I don´t want to disappoint them again like I did in junior high school. I failed to get the highest score in final examination of JHS. I still remember that day, when the result´s announced, I am not even in the big 10. I went home that afternoon with an unbearable tears. it´s not about the rank anyway. I just wanted to get good score just for my parents. They have done million things to make me happy, and for me, my score will make them happy too.

Alhamdulillah, I reached my goal. In high school, I finally got the first rank for final examination in Papua region! On the graduation day, I had to come to school earlier because I had to make preparation for my performance. Yes, I performed a traditional dance from West Sumatera with my friends. Deep in my heart, I felt my heart beated so fast because I have waited for this moment a long time. I want to see my parents´ happy smile. I have done with my costume and my make-up, suddenly there was an announcement from headmaster for me. I was asked to come to teacher´s room. Then I´m exactly asked to be interviewed from a local TV station in Papua, Papua TV. I was a little confused, why do I have to? Why not somebody else? I was currently wearing an eye-catching outfit and I knew that it´s too weird to appear in TV with it. But Mr. Wayan (the headmaster) kept insisting.

And! The reporter whispered that to me! I heard it first from nobody but her! She said that I am interviewed because I got highest score in final examination for Papua region. What a surprise! Actually, I can´t believe that I heard it from someone I didn´t know. Why didn´t Mr. Wayan tell me himself? But still, thank you! Hahaha. I was so happy and I can´t help to not move from my place. I waited my parents calmly and made decision not to tell them early. I let them know by the announcement, not from me so it will be a big surprise! ^^

Well, I´m only the best score in Papua region, it´s not that great. But I´m very thankful for that, because I could see my parents´ happy tears, not their tears of sadness like I used to make them sad day by day. So it´s me, the girl who has graduated from high school. I am facing real world now!

Fly away

This is my first post! I mean,the post that I do in Germany. I love this town, but I love my hometown more, Papua!
On September 2nd 2013, I left Indonesia. I left my beloved family, I have gone out of my comfort zone. I didn´t cry that time. But after leaving here for 2 weeks, I started to feel weird. I felt that there´s something missed in my life. At first I really have no idea what I really feel. I was sitting alone in my room, accompanied by silence, I looked around and wondered “What am I doing here?”
stupid thoughts came into my mind, this is not where I belong! In a blick my head was twisted and I suddenly forgot my aim to be in Germany. I have forgotten, that those were all my decisions! I am the person, who asked her parents to take college abroad. I am the girl who dreamed of being like “Arai”. Do you know Arai? He is my favorite one. I know his name from a phenomenal book, Laskar Pelangi. That book really has inspired me. It tells about how life can be turned out to be so blue, how people could stand up when the other said that it,s impossible. Arai is not the main character of this novel, he is just a side character, the cousin of the main character, Ikal. Ikal and Arai were a dreamer. They came from a small city that nobody never care of them. They are very poor, but Arai never had a sad face on. He always find a good thing to make Ikal smiling again. In their high school, Arai ever said to his brother, they will go studying in Paris! Ikal said that it´s to much to be dreaming of, but Arai set a stone head and say surely they will go there someday. After their high school graduation, both of them went to Jakarta, unfortunately they are accepted in different university there, so they were separated for a while. Some years had passed, und Ikal already successed to have his bachelor. He didn´t hear anything from his brother in those years. But he never forget, what Arai has said to him. He sent applications to get scholarship in other country to accomplish his dream. He went to an office and was being interviewed for the study. He did the interview very well and got the scholarship to University of Sorbonne, France. He was very happy but he was thinking about Arai. “How is he now? I wish we could go there together!” he was still in the office, he heard his brothers voice. That guy came out of an interview room, and surprisingly, it was Arai! And he will go studying in Sorbonne too!
Laskar Pelangi is a book which was written based on the authors real story. Ikal and Arai really exist in reality. It gives me big hope, that I can be like them too. I love the quote that Arai said
“Have a dream, and God will hold it”
Since that time, I always dream to study abroad too. Thanks God! I got it too! My story is not as amazing as Arai's, but I´m feeling so lucky to be me. I have my own story,my own world, my own family, and it´s all wonderful!

By dreaming gives our brain suggestion, without our conciousness, it stays in our mind forever and work to reach it. I will keep my big dream, because Arai has taught me not to be scared to dream.


I am trying to write a post in German :D

Ich lerne Deutsch für mein Studium in Deutschland. Ich will ein Post auf Deutsch schreiben. Also....
Am 3 September werde ich nach Deutschland fliegen! Ich weiß nicht,dass ich fehle glücklich oder traurig. Noch 9 Tage, ich werde nicht in Indonesien bleiben, ich werde meine Heimat vermissen :(
Heute morgen um 5 Uhr bin ich aufgestanden. Zuerst habe ich Subuh gebetet und danach habe ich Al-Qur´an gelesen. Nach Al-Qur´an Lesen schlafe ich wieder nicht. Eigentlich ich kann nicht  wieder schlafen wenn ich morgen schon aufstehen. Meine Mutter sagt wir sollen nicht überschlafen, weil das nicht gut ist. Zeit ist wertvoll, wenn wir früher als jeder aufstehen, dann können wir mehr Vorteil nehmen.
Ok, ich will die Geschicht fortfahren.
Dann habe ich Musik gehört, ich höre neu Liede dass ich habe gerade gestern downloaded. Gestern Nachmittag habe ich Liede von meiner Lehrerin bekommen. Sie sind Liede von Bosse und Silbermond. Ich mag die Liede! Die Lied von Silbermond ist am liebsten für mich. Ein Ding mag ich von Silbermond ist die Stimme. Die Sängerin hat eine schöne Stimme. Und ihre Stimme ist sehr leicht. Lecker! #was?
Wenn ich Silbermond “Symphonie“ zuhöre, dann denke ich über meine Familie in Jayapura und ich weine leise. Ich habe schon meine Eltern vermißt,und alle meinen Frunde und Freundinnen auch. Wenn ich über meine Eltern denke, dann will ich das Studium absagen. Weil ich mit meinen Eltern bleiben möchte. Ich möchte mit ihnen für immer zusammen sein!
Aber ich muss stark wie ein Baum im Sturm sein und meine Eltern stolz machen.
Wünschen Sie mir bitte viel Glück :)


not so bad

It’s been the second day of Idul Fitri! Yes, I have passed the sad moments :D
Yesterday I woke up at 5 o’clock. It felt so strange because I used to wake up in a huge riot in my house in Idul Fitri. And now I have to wake up when nobody in the room wake up. I used to stay awake in Idul Fitri’s eve help my mother to cook special dishes for the special day. The last Idul Fitri day in Jayapura I slept at 3.30 am. And I just slept for 1 hour! Super girl, huh? :p
This year, I woke up at 5 o’clock and nothing in my room indicates that it’s Idul Fitri already except 3 jars of cookies my mom sent me. The place to do Shalat Ied is exact in front of my dorm so I just took a slow action and relaxing my self at the bathroom haha. Alhamdulillah, it was bright. I love the warm weather J Though, in the end of Shalat Ied, my tears fell down. But I’m still happy, God always be with me.
After praying I went back to my room and nobody still has not waken up -.-
I ate my cookies happily alone, ohhh.... I love every cookies my mom makes <3 p="">
In the afternoon my JM Family did some visits to our friends’ house, Gilang, Dhuita, and Kadang. So this is what we called ‘togetherness’ :D We spent at least an hour ina house. We’d like to eat whatever food served in front us haha. We didn’t have embarassment at all XD
We chatted, we laughed, we ate together, we stole drinks, we tasted every cookies in the jar, and I’ve found them as my new family J Thanks God, you still give me happiness in my saddest moment. Allah is The Greatest!
Funny thing I had in this Idul Fitri is, my friend Maria taught me Padangnese! Although she is Bataknese, she lived in Padang and he taught me a real Padangnese about Bahasa Padang. Confused? Yeah, me too.
But Maria told me Bahasa Padang to give some sh*t to the boys. It’s ridiculuous when I shouted a Padang sentence and my friend Gilang (who doesn’t know Bahasa Padang too) replied with another damn thing commanded by the Padang boys.
Nada : Ang buruak! (you’re ugly!)
Gilang : Ya, den buruak! (yes, I’m ugly!)
The boys made fun of Gilang because whispering the wrong answer to get Gilang mad haha.

Don’t try this at home okay :D


Ich vermisse dich

H-1 Idul Fitri

My sadness becomes a barricade to prevent me from using english. Sorry for your unconvenience :)
Ini adalah hari tergalau yang pernah saya rasakan. Mengapa? Karena besok adalah hari raya pertamaku jauh dari orang tua. Mungkin ada yang tertawa dan berpikir kalau saya ini anak mami, anak manja, atau apalah. Yang penting saya sayang orang tuaku! Lebih baik aku menangis merindukan orang tuaku, dari pada menangis merindukan pacar? Meine Eltern sind űber alles.
Meskipun besok adalah hari raya, tetapi atmosfer kemeriahan Idul Fitri tidak ada sama sekali di tempatku tinggal. Tidak ada yang namanya beres-beres rumah untuk open house, tidak sibuk jalan-jalan di mall untuk nyari baju lebaran yang keren, tidak juga begadang tiap malam untuk bikin kue kering kesukaan keluarga. Yah, mau bagaimana lagi? Beginilah nasib jauh dari orang tua.
Aku jadi sangat merindukan kota kecil yang bernama Jayapura itu. Masyarakatnya yang ramah, keberagaman yang saling bercampur baur, dan orang-orang dari semua agama yang selalu bersukacita pada hari raya apapun. Harmonis. Damai.
Siapa bilang di Jayapura perang suku melulu? Enak saja! Citra Jayapura rusak gara-gara ulah televisi nasional yang selalu menampilkan sisi “seram” dari kotaku. Padahal, itu hanyalah sekeping mozaik kecil yang jarang sekali terjadi.
Oke, balik lagi ke tujuan awal. Tadi pagi aku benar-benar galau! Tak terasa air mata jatuh, mengingat mama dan papa yang jauh disana. Di kehidupan baruku yang jauh dari mereka, aku merasakan sendiri bagaimana susahnya kehidupan. Sebenarnya, kata “susah” yang ku maksud bukan selalu tentang uang. Susahnya kehidupan bukan hanya tentang kekurangan uang, kekurangan makanan, atau segalanya yang berbau materi. Lalu, kurang apa? Hmm aku tidak tahu bagaimana mengungkapkannya dengan tepat. Pokoknya... seprti ada sesuatu yang hilang dari kehidupanku. Tidak ada orang tua yang tiap pagi membangunkanku, tidak ada yang mengingatkanku untuk shalat dan mengaji seprti yang biasa mama lakukan tiap hari, tidak ada yang mengomeliku kalau aku berbuat kesalahan, tidak ada yang dengan sabar menerima segala ocehan kasarku saat hatiku lagi panas. Oh ternyata... hal-hal sederhana seperti itu sangat berarti untukku.
Mamaaa... Papaaa... Ich vermisse dich!
Semalam, aku baru sadar kalau ternyata sekarang aku memang HARUS hidup mandiri. Jika ada masalah, harus selesaikan sendiri. Pikirkan sendiri apa yang dilakukan. Kalau dulu waktu masih di Jayapura, masih ada ortu yang sedia dengarin masalah sepele apapun. Mereka selalu dengan senang hati menyelesaikan masalah apapun yang timbul karena kebodohanku. Tapi sekarang... aku sudah harus lebih dewasa dan bertindak sendiri.
Kamarku berantakan? Aku harus sadar diri dan mulai membersihkannya. Mau tunggu siapa yang negur? Tidak ada. Dulu waktu masih sekolah, yang namanya kegiatan makan itu adalah kegiatan yang paling sering terlupakan olehku, kasihan mama papa harus berulang kali memanggil untuk makan. Nah kalau sekarang, harus lebih tahu jaga diri. Kalau aku sakit, harus siap menerima resiko urus diri sendiri.
Pagi ini hujan deras mengguyur Balikpapan! Wow! Saking derasnya sampai-sampai tidur nyenyak banget dan hampir lupa bangun untuk pergi ke kelas. Pagi ini aku bangun paling awal, jam 7.50. aku sempat termenung galau setelah membaca SMSan ku semalam dengan mama.
Mama   :Tumben mama tiba-tiba ga bisa tidur padahal tadi ngantuk skali. Gak taunya nada lg ada masalah disana.
Nada     : Nada jadi kangen rumah... kangen mama papa. Biasanya kalau H-1 lebaran pasti sibuk masak ini itu, kalau sekarang...sibuk belajar dan kerja PR. Tidak ada atmosfer lebaran sama sekali. Tadi kiriman kuenya udah nyampe ma. Danke schőn..
Mama   :Mama papa kalo ungat jg sedih sekali. Kadang mama iri lihat diva ke masjid dengan mamanya, ayu dengan mamanya, dll. Entah kapan lagi kita bisa seperti itu. Apalagi besok shalat mama sendiri saja,tapi kita harus berbesar hati dan berdoa semoga pengorbanan ini yang membawa kebaikan untuk nada dan keluarga kita kelak. Saat seperti itu yang bikin kita sadar hanya 1 yang masih bisa dekat dengan kita yaitu Allah SWT.
Nada     : Oh iya ma...kue cornflakesnya hancur, putri salju jg hancur tapi sedikit saja. Untung ada kiriman kue, itu saja suidah buat nada senang. Buat nada jadi masih merasa kalo nada masih merayakan lebaran juga disini.
Mama   : Papa mama sedih Cuma kue yang dapat dikirim.
Dan itulah cuplikan SMS yang bikin hati ku ketar ketir.
Setelah puas menangis didalam diam, aku mandi. Wah jadi kangen rumah! Kalau dulu di rumah air melimpah, kalau di asrama yang di satu kamar 5 orang dan kadang kalau lagi apes air gak nyala. Wah berabe! Hal kecil jadi runyam gara-gara kesulitan air. Kedengarannya ngenes banget ya... haha.
Saat aku selesai mandi, jam telah menunjukkan pukul 8.20! dan belum ada seorang pun teman sekamarku yang bangun. Padahal jadwal masuk kelas itu 8.45, dan guru kami orang Jerman yang terkenal disiplin banget.
Pukul 8.50, aku dan teman-teman baru keluar dari asrama dengan memegang payung karena hujan gedeeee banget. Lebih parah lagi, ada satu orang temanku yang tidak sempat mandi XD
Sesampainya dikelas, hanya ada sekitar 7 orang yang sudah datang. Tapiii...tentu saja, Sina (guru wali kelasku) sudah memulai pelajaran dan sedang membahas PR. Tadinya aku berharap tidak mendapat omelan darinya karena mungkin dia masih punya hati untuk “memaklumi” keterlambatanku dan teman-temanku yang lain. Tapiii... kata MAKLUM tidak ada dalam kamus Jerman! Tentu saja dia marah.
Salah seorang temanku datang telat setengah jam. Saat dia masuk kelas, Sina nanya pake bahasa Jerman (ya iyalah).
Sina : Kenapa kamu datang begitu terlambat?
Temanku : Karena hujan.
Sina : Ya, memang sekarang hujan. Jadi?
Begitulah! Sadis kaaan.. tapi memang seharusnya begitu sih, harusnya budaya telat orang Indonesia dimusnahkan deh. Maluuu..
Sebenarnya agak gimanaa gitu. Sekolah-sekolah, kampus, dan lembaga-lembaga udah libur dari beberapa hari yang lalu. Nah ini... besoknya lebaran pun belum libur men! Tapi bagiku it’s really okay, namanya juga mau kuliah di Jerman, ya harus kerja keraslah. Ngapain juga nyantai di asrama? Mendingan kan belajar hehe (aku gak bermaksud munafik loh yaa). Untungnya, hari ini kelas berakhir pada pukul 12 siang (lebih cepat dari yang biasanya selesai jam 3 sore).
Sampai di kamar, air belum nyala. Great. Padahal sedikit lagi waktunya shalat Zuhur. Akhirnya, aku memutuskan untuk shalat di masjid saja. Sekalian beri’tikaf sebentar, mengadu pada Allah akan kegalauan ini ><
Pulang dari masjid, ternyata aku masih juga galau. Hahhhh, Nadaaaaa...ternyata kamu cengeng juga! Untuk mengusir galau yang tak habis-habis ini, aku mengaji dan berharap Allah memberikan sesuatu yang bisa menghilangkan galau. Saat aku masih mengaji, tiba-tiba Kak Anthony (staff Jerman Manajemen yang selama ini mengurus keperluan kami) datang ke kamar karena tadi aku melapor tentang air yang tidak mengalir. Dan kak Anthony adalah berkah dari Allah. Kak Anthony bilang kalau ortunya temanku yang sama-sama dari Jayapura datang ke Balikpapan jenguk anaknya. Nah, saking sayangnya dengan si Theo, mereka ngajak SEMUA anak JM untuk makan-makan! Dan setelah melalui perbincangan yang panjang, kita memutuskan untuk makan di rumah makan Torani yang berspesialisasi dalam makanan seafood Kepiting Kenari khas Kalimantan. Dan ini bukan traktiran ecek-ecek, seporsi kepiting kenari Rp.175.000! tapi ortunya Theo segera mengiyakan saran kami. Yess! Alhamdulillah ya Allah! Allah Maha Mendengar, doaku terjawab :’)
Hari ini segitu dulu ya. Akan kuusahakan untuk selalu memberi kabar mulai dari sekarang, insya Allah.
Satu hal yang aku mau bilang, manusia terlahir sendiri, mati pun sendiri. Tapi ketahuilah, sebenarnya kita tidak pernah sendiri. Allah selalu ada di dekat kita.

old stories unposted, before I left Jayapura

Time’s gone fast
Now I’m here, on my few last days in high school, trying not to cry like a baby.
It’s hard to let it go. I wanna be in high school forever, if I could. But this is not what we have to avoid from, because time always win.
Everyone is growing up and so do I. Surprisingly I have been a girl a who mature enough to make some hard decision which supossed to be the best for my future. Things my friends and I have passed are too precious and I can’t help it to let it go and start a new day without them. But life is making decision and taking risk!
Talking about decision, have you made any decision to live far away from your beloved people?
That’s what I have just decode for my future. I will study abroad in a country where placed in overseas continent, thousand miles away from my lovely hometown.
Yes, I’m going to Germany for college!
Don’t say anything, please. I haven’t asked you for opinion, okay :D
Some of my friends often ask me about this decision I made. A small piece in my heart says “Don’t go, it will be easier for you to stay here around your family and live happily”. I’ve got a thought of that too! I considered that and repeatingly talk to myself if this is the right thing to do. Besides, my parents fully support me going there, eventhough it will be hard for them to let their only-one-stubborn-girl go. Man, Germany is like nowhere. And I’m going there alone without any companies I have  known well. For me it will be fabuluous to have at least one of my friends next to me and struggle the life together at Germany. Yeah, I realized that way is too much. Sometimes we have to fight the war by ourselves, by your own tears, so that you can see the world in different sights.

Dear my beloved parents, I will try to be as strong as thunder. At least we are still seeing the same sky, I am glad.


Do you miss me?

I got trouble logging in to my own blog. I don't know why.
Thanks God it cames back again *fiuhh
Now I have graduated from high school! Yay! It means that I'm no longer a child. I've grown up!
I'm going to study in Germany, wish me luck please.
I know what comes on your mind when you read the sentence above, "Why must study so far away?", "You can't live that far from your parents!" and so on. I made this decision 4 months ago when someone came to my school and pasted a brochure about studying in Germany. At first I didn't really notice it, but my teacher Dedi Mula said to me that I have to come to the presentation. He can't let me be taking medicine faculty in Indonesia! "You could take medicine for university, but go study abroad!". So........that was why all this things changed.
Right now I'm sitting in receptionist room of Asrama Haji Balikpapan, Borneo! I never thought that I could be here. Because I have to, I'm doing a preparation for my study in Germany, so I learn Deutsch here with all my friends for 2 months. This is my first time living far awayfrom my parents, but it's okay. I'm not that type of girl who likes to moan about "missing parents' or "life is so hard" or another nonsense statement. I'm ready to fight whatsoever about to come in the future to defend my lifetime goal : Give happiness for my parents.
I live in a dorm and have figured out that it's really exciting to sleep with other 4 girls in the room. We are from Jayapura but we didn't know each other before. Therefore it doesn't make me clumsy or anything because we got along together easily. Strange, isn't it?
Their name is Lisa, Ovi, Jezenia, and Brenda. Our room is wide and comfortable enough to make me calm everyday. Curious about our room? Images will be uploaded later ;)
I learn Deutsch from 8.45 until 15.00 . It's actually long but I even didn't think it's boring. I really enjoy it!I'm glad that my teachers are native speaker and they didn't want to speak English. They speak Deutsch all the time and forced us to understand. First day, it's hard. After 1 month learning,  I'm get used to this. I can understand what my teacher's saying up till 80%. It's what we call it THE POWER OF FORCE :D
It's really incredible.
The funny thing is...... I think I'm forgetting English slowly! Kyaaaaa...! I have to speak English daily too!
And even my pronounciation of English is becoming worse --' Learning Deutsch all the time makes my pronounciation sounds really weird and I will get confused when I have to change between English and Deutsch in instant.
But hey! It will be very cool because I'm going to speak 3 languanges, how could it be cooler? :P