An Untold Love Story

I am not a romantic lovey dovey person, hence why I actually object to tell other people about my private life. Nevertheless,this time I feel like it's okay to share you guys some pieces, concerning that I have no longer deep feeling about it, as I already moved on and grown up ever since. This story is nowhere near a marvelous cinderella story, but it taught me something about my journey. It's a piece of mozaic in my life which shows me how much I develop, how far I've gone. I hope it will inspire someone who read it.

Well, if you ask me who my first love is, I'll state: I haven't been in love yet! Yes I admit that I was attracted to boys couple times, but I never took it seriously. It was all just a young girl's ignorance, willing to find love. But then I had a chapter in my book that means a lot to me.

Once I liked someone so much for a really long time. He was my first crush ever. I liked him for nearly 5 years, and yes it sounds crazy! I met him for the first time in junior high school. He was my senior, and I happened to know he is a really smart person. I'm pretty close to one of his classmates, so I heard about his intelligence quite often.

That day, suddenly our teacher asked us (me and him,and several students) to join a quiz/competition, meanwhile we were actually going to do the mid term test that morning. Guess what? He was the only one who brave enough to refuse participating the competition! He said coolly that he wanted to stick with his main plan, getting a good score in the tests. That's it. No compromising. I was completely surprised that time, because of that he left me a really strong impression in my heart. It made me admiring him even more.

Okay guys, to be honest I was a really disappointed that he wasn't participating. Well, I didn't have the chance to get to know him personally. My old self didn't even have enough confidence just to say hi! Maybe I was too scared, too naïve, so I could only take a glance for a couple of seconds whenever he went outside the class, to the cantine, after class when he was picking cab to go home. It was a wonderful feeling just seeing him from faraway, eventhough he didn't know I even exist. What is more surprising, I didn't dare to tell anyone about it, not even my best friend. Then he graduated from junior high school without nothicing me at all. For a year, I didn't realize how I miss sneaking around his class, seeing that face, those bespectacled sharp eyes, that big laugh....

When I entered the high school, it turned out we went to the same school again. What a fate! After one year hiatus, I knew that feelin still surprisingly remained there. I still got butterflies in my stomach meeting him again.

I didn't tend to add more drama but I had to say: He was in a relationship with a girl. Sadly his girlfriend was one of my closest senior. Obviously I was too surprised to be heartbroken. That girl is sooo nice, that a part of me says, I couldn't hate her for dating him at all! Was my heart broken? Gladly not, I swear. That relationship didn't really last long, they broke up. Even so nothing was changed. I spent another 2 years without saying a single word. I just pretended not knowing him.

Was I a coward? Hell no. I just didn't feel the urge to confess my feeling. I already am happy just admiring him. I didn't even want to date him, because dating will ruin everything in my opinion. People date each other, then they argue, then they break up, at the end they'll hate each other or become strangers. It's not how I want to end the story, of course.

Then God gave me sweet surprise. One day, as I began my new life in Germany, suddenly he commented on my Facebook wall (or maybe picture,not so sure though). I wanted to celebrate that moment screaming out loud “SENPAI NOTICED ME!!!!”. I honestly have no idea how can he finally know about me, I don't care either. I don't let myself to expand a further feeling for him, cause I'm fully aware we can't go any further. Nope, we just can't. However I am already delighted to the fact that he knows me now. We are no longer strangers,in other words we are officially friends. That's all, case closed. He and I are living our own happy life.

Now that many years have passed, all that feeling has gone. I've grown up much and lost those butterflies by then. It became a beautiful memory I'm so proud of. He was my first crush ever, yes I know it now. It doesn't require to be called my first love, because literally nothing has happened between us. I believe I will know it if I meet my true love, and it's obviously not him. I haven't met my Mr.Right yet, and I'll continue my faith : I will wait for him. God has arranged the most beautiful plan for me, just wait for the right moment to come. If I'm protecting my heart like I did at my first crush, God will send me someone to end my own fairy tale with a sweetest ending ever after.


  1. really nada? who is that person anyway?

    1. i'll keep the name hidden :D
      btw are you someone I know?


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